update

were home, itll be slow for updates but more shit to come, just rants and how girls are stupid basically.

sometimes, i just like to steal

i returned last night after a night of drinking with a license plate. why? because when i drink, i like to steal. i also have stolen many signs and posters, pint and shot glasses, and money when i drink. i have stolen a tip before that someone left a bartender here in spain, why did i take the tip? because they dont tip here. and i needed a cab fare. regardless, i need to stop...and heres why: when i was in boston my freshman year, i stole 3 magazines from a convenience store to use as a blanket in my friends apt. stupidly i didnt realize that it was in a predominantly black neighborhood with several black people in it and a black store owner. not only that, i stole a vogue, cosmo, and home and gardens, most likely never to be sold in that area. so ya i steal for souvys and cab fares, im not being uncivil at all i dont think. that is all.

johnny apple"seed"

my theory of johnny appleseed, the greatest womanizer ever to have lived. originally from leominster, ma johnny appleseed embarked on a journey across the country to plant seeds. the question is: what kind? hmmm....this made me wonder. the legend tells us that he went across the country planting appleseeds and thats why there are apple trees all around the country. but might this be a metaphor? might he actually have been planting his "appleseed" instead of the little black ones? so heres my theory. johnny was a stud and banged every chick in leominster and got in a lot of trouble for it. he decided that he needed to share his apples and his tree and plant his seed all around the country. so he left a walked and walked and walked and fucked and fucked and fucked, planting his seed (nutting in women) in every state. then he wrote about it. and little kids read it and hear of his legend? damn what a fuckin pimp. if i could go around the country and fuck girls and write about it and read it to little kids...shitttt. johnny appleseed...legend? yes.

swim-up bars

it gets really hot here in sevilla, and especially when we were in portugal i thought it was crazy the pool didnt have a swim up bar! the place was filled with crazy college kids just lookin to make it honest, ready to take a good 4 tequila shots before heading down to the beach. chances are, as the place filled up and people started to get drunk theyd probly never leave and end up givin all their money away to the bar. they would have made thousands in a matter of days.


anyways this just got me thinkin how there should be swim up bars in all places where the average temp is above a certain level. i mean theyre so much fun down in mexico, why cant they be fun in other places. Theres tons of spanish students along with willing american college kids in this city who would pay top dollar for ice cold drinks in a cool pool on a day hot enough to make those girls with big boobs sweat in thier under-boob crease. Im gonna miss the shit outta this city, and id like to come back at some point, hopefully with a successfull chain of swim up bars. i am going to need partners tho...

girls are dumb example...i really dont know

"larry bird? who's that?"

you have got to be shitting me, and this girl considers herself athletic and enjoys sports.

lagos

lagos...fuckin awesome time. lots of booze and sun. this is the view from our hotel. im too hungover to keep writing. < 2 weeks america. usa all the way

m.i.l.f.

take notice of the woman to the right...john daly's girlfriend. sorta looks like angelina jolie minus the d.s.l.'s. regardless shes got fake titties and a skinny body. hot she is. so were on the 14th hole and one of the girls i was with at the tourney starts chatting with her. long story short we end up chattin it up with her for like 3 hours. turns out john daly's girlfriend is THE coolest bitch on the planet. shes like 40 with a 3 year old kid. had a great talk with her about europe and other shit it was awesome. i had my creeper shades on so i was starin at her titties the entire time. im tellin you fuckin shaq couldnt get these titties in one palm. lovin life. great lady. john daly shot a 75 tho, so no picture with him, she was tryin to hook us up with a sweet pic but he was too pissed, o well im sure he's gettin wasted forgettin this round. i love MILFs. holla at dem bitches.

DBE

yes

this is where sly and i are goin this weekend...suck it

http://www.discoversevilla.com/default43.php?id=156&page=420

Don't know why this wasn't posted earlier

This "ancient vase" was in like the first museum we went to in Madrid way back in January, but the DanMike Salvester blog was only an idea back then, so pictures like this got passed up. Luckily i was browsing through them today and found this gem. Anyways, "ancient vase..." i ain't buyin it... looks like a mean bubbler of a queen to me. i don't mean to deface history or anything i'm just callin a spade a spade, you be the judge

walshy?

is that who i think it is behind our beautiful friends from quinnipiac?... it has to be... i gotta make sure he has the address of this blog to confirm/deny... fuck it its definetly him

UPDATE:
BIRiSh777: hahahahha
BIRiSh777: it def is

ireland

DAY 1
so we get to Dublin at about 1 and it was kinda nice out. we expected cold and rainy but it wasnt too bad. we head to our hotel in a cab, who was sitting in drivers seat on the right, and we drove to the hotel on the left side of the road. it was a little mind trip. anyways this guy has the stereotypical irish accent. he spoke english, but we had no fuckin idea what he was sayin. anyways he was really friendly and told us a joke. i dont remember the specifics but heres the main plot. this guy and his buddy are in a pub and the guys says to his friend: if i have a kid with your wife, would that make us related? and the other guy says...no it would make us even. but the way our cabbie delivered it was perfect and hilarious so he told us another joke. it was about viagra and boners. 20 euros later we were at our hotel. nice little place outside the city with a bus stop outside. we take the bus into the city, a double decker and we obviously sat on the top, and got off at the main street area. we had BK. walked around. had some pints. the picture above is from a place called o'neills, nice place. we headed back early because we were tired and saw most of the city in about 8 hours because its kinda small. so we head back, only to find a gem on the TV. Biker Mice From Mars and Arrested Development. awesome.

DAY 2:
We took a bus to cork to stay for free with Anna O'Brien in cork. We get there at around 6, get some beers and some food, eat the food, drank the beers and went to some pubs. Sly and I expected to stay out late, but the pubs close at 2 at the latest so we drank a couple, chatted and went back.

DAY 3
It was time to be tourists. Sly and I were informed that Blarney castle was close by so we took a bus there during the day. it was a nice day out we walked around a lot. if you think irish country side and small town, this is it. the blarney stone is located at the top of the castle and it is believed that if you kiss it, you get good luck. sly and i kissed it. you have to lay down and kiss it upside down because of the location of the rock. we also heard that the locals piss on it and laugh because tons of tourists come and kiss it, whatever urine is sterile, and i like the taste. there was more than just the castle tho, it was like a farm area. there was a huge horse field with this strange wooden structure that resembled a bar, so sly and i took some pics of us at the bar hoping the horses would come and serve us. the horses never came. what else, i dont know thats about it for blarney but it was a good time. at night we went to some more pubs and drank. good times.


DAY 4:
Jameson factory. We had one more day left of touring around the land so anna tells us that the jameson distillery is near by. why the fuck not? lets do it. so we go to the jameson factory by bus and take the tour. it was a really old looking place with lots of booze and interesting history. there were only 8 of us on the tour, 3 spanish guys in their late 20's, 2 old people from Nebraska, and the 3 of us. our tour guide might i add was bangin and i think she was from the midwest. what she was doin in ireland giving tours at a factory was beyond me, but it was a nice touch to let us stare at her ass while she walked in front of us. after the tour we got some whiskey, and it was delicious. and free. we got some souvies and parted ways. but not before we encountered the most ridiculously priced bottle i had ever seen. 5000 euros for a bottle of whiskey, which is now like $8000. it didnt look too special to me. but i know shit about booze. anyway the picture is the bottle. we got back, had some dinner, drank and went out to some pubs. finally, we found a place where everyone there was retardedly drunk. just what we needed. kids our age spillin pints, singing songs and roughin each other up. nice. the final song they sang was "what awonderful world" and some skinny white kid did the raspy black man voice. it was awesome. we left when it closed and made the trek back to anna's place.

DAY 5:
We traveled from cork to dublin and then got to the airport by about 930. what a fuckin day.

DAY 6:
our flight was at 745 am, and we had been at the airport since 930 pm the night before so we had to find a way to kill some time. we set up shop, watched a soccer game, ate some food, played battleship on slys phone. then we got bored. at the mickey d's there was a dollar menu, but we only had 74 cents. lets look for some change what the fuck else we got to do. of course at the first vending machine i got 60 cents. so now we had 1.34 and a mcchicken was 2. lets keep looking. we swept 4 floors of the airport looking for change, but we only had around 1.70 at the end of our romp. and this is what being homeless is like. so we go to mcdonalds only to find them closed. luckily they were just closing and we sweet talked the ugly bitches working there and they gave us some nasty ass fries. sleep time. we huddle in this area where we can put two chairs together and sly goes into the starbucks area. 10 minutes go by, he gets kicked out, wakes me up and he says he's gonna try another place. mcdonalds...30 mins later her gets kicked out again. comes back to where i was and i gave him one of my chairs and we sleep. 1 hour later we all get kicked out. then we move to another place after considering sleeping on the floor, back to mcdonalds. we both find good spots and log 2 hours. sleeping in the airport is weird. you sleep with all your shit at least touching you and its like sleeping with your lights on at high intensity. and evertime you hear a noise, paranoia sets in and you have to see if someone is trying to gank your shit. finally i fall asleep and the next thing i knew some woman tugged on my arm to wake me because mcdonalds was packed with customers and i had no idea what the hell was goin on. it was around 545 now. we get our boarding passes and peace out. see ya ireland.

the dam episode 2

alrite part 2
ok the RLD (red light district for all you n00bs who havent been to the dam) is awesome, unfortunately its illegal to take pics and vids so we didnt. but let me tell you some of these bitches were the hottest bitches i have ever seen. ever. blondes, brunettes, red head, skinny, fat, big tits, small tits, square tits, veiny tits, short, tall, white black, cuban or asain I only came for two days of playing But everytime I come I always wind up stayin This the type of town Will Smith could spend a few days in. party in the city where the heat is on, all night...i digress. lots of babes that wanna suck your cock for an undisclosed amount which you discuss at a later time. i think theres a word for that. so its pretty tizzight.
you can only walk up and down the district a couple times before you pass the same ugly hooker only putting herself in different position that you can pay to put her in... so we decided it was time to run along

so we go to this coffeeshop nearby because we were almost out of the herbal essences that we had. turns out this mothafuckers got a damn near aquarium in it right by the bar. naturally, we bought, we rolled, we put into rotation, and then stared at this fishtank for a good hour. there was one lone clown fish in the tank that none of us could stop looking at, and i couldnt help but wonder if this was the way the screenplay for finding nemo came about... seemed easy enough.

It's still blurry, but i think this was our last night there. so after smoking all we had left and going comatose in our beds for the night, we said goodbye to the dam. but i like to think i live in a world that will allow me to pay the netherlands another visit before i expire, or it gets bombed

getting a little ahead of ourselves

so i know we havent even finished the amsterdam post, but i just uploaded pictures from our trip to ireland and i had to share this and nominate it for best name of a retail store that i have ever encountered in my 21 years walkin this earth

if i ever need a door or door accessory, i know who i'm calling...

watch this video now with everyone

ok so i can watch this video a thousand times and still laugh...get real high and watch this shit you might die..... http://www.bangedup.com/post.php?media=2507

listen to the dialogue. enjoy.

amsterdam pt. 1

so here it is finally. our adventure to amsterdam. its been awhile since we got back, so things are a little fuzzy. in honor of christopher j this blogs gonna be a 2 parter since there really is just a shit load to tell...here goes. we get there at about 9 pm to the train station and we think to ourselves "lets get some god damn motherfuckin weed". what a great idea. so we walk around looking for a coffee shop to purchase some marijuana LEGALLY. so we arrive at the grasshopper coffee shop, all 8 frigin stories of it tall, green, and beautiful... we had died and gone to heaven. by the time we left this is what the place looked like


so we went in, sat at a table, sly went to the counter to order an eighth of the finest purple haze on the motherfuckin planet. salvo got the coffees which were bitchin too. anyways sly rolled a jspot and we smoked. . . . . . we were fuckin hiiiiigh. now i dont think i need to tell you all this but this shit was the shiznittle van shnitz snan snapsnap. thank the lord jesus he scheduled a soccer game at the same time. so we smoked the most ballinist ass shit eva and watched soccer. i love europe. on a side note, the high we got from this shit was crazy. it was reall good but we walked out of the place and sly turns to sal, "i gotta tell you man, this high is crazy. there were 3 people in that coffeeshop that i swear to you i recognized from like middle school. i havent seen or thought of those mothafuckers in years!". Salvo replies "Same"... you all know he gets kinda quiet when he's high. crazy shit
the next day we woke up and walked around some, smoked a lot of weed, walked some more, bought more weed (sweet tooth, a pleasing indica blend) , sat at coffee shops, smoked, walked, smoked some more, ate, walked smoked, you get the idea. we were high the entire time. i must mention tho the place we ate breakfast was a coffeeshop/breakfast bar. without a doubt i had the best breakfast of my entire life: eggs, bacon, pancakes, sausage, and hashbrowns... while smokin a fatty. safe to say IHOP didnt have shit on this place.
so the rest of the day we hit up a bunch more of the major coffee shops in the city, and by the time we left we had visited them all. some major places we went (high, like really fukin high) were the anne frank house, a sex museum:
(hilarious)
, and walked by the van gogh museum (too expensive to go in). you think bein real high and seein another guys dick is disturbing, try being higher than you have ever been and standing next to a dick bigger than you... i wouldnt exactly recommend it. and of course we went to the red light district. so the anne frank house looks like a fuckin regular ass building with some funny lookin shit on it. the girls really wanted to go because every kid in the united states of america reads that bitches diary and chicks eat that shit up all day. so we said fuck it lets go. fortunately we got really really fucked up before we went in. it wasnt too exciting it was just a bunch of wooden rooms with tvs playing some bullshit about nazis and jews and gold stars and i dont fuckin remember because i got high because i got high because i got highhhh da da da da da da da. anyways at the end of the tour we all looked at each other and were like " uhhh which room was anne franks?" thats all we came to see and we dont know if we even saws it. fuck anne frank. fffuck her. and fuck commies. To Be Continued...

patience

were gonna make a post about amsterdam eventually because theres just so much to tell, but we need to wait until our brain cell count returns to normal before we can speak good and write out well-constructed sentences again

guten tag

spanish bars rule so hard

with spain being so much different than the US, its no surprise that they have some very different types of bars too. we've already told you about the chupiteria (shot bar/chuck-e-cheeses) that rewards you with more tickets the more shots you take which can be redeemed for prizes, clothing and sexual favors. now once again for all you entrepreneurs out there, keep your eyes wide open and read very carefully cause im about to drop some heavy knowledge on you
so we were in barcelona last weekend and heard they had some nice bars to offer so we jumped in some taxis, which charged fuckin crack prices, but it turned out to be well worth it

bar#1: not sure what the fuck it was called, but basically they serve mostly mixed drinks, only the smallest sized mixed drink you can get is 2 liters. naturally the group i was with opted to buy the largest drink offerered: 13 liters. good old whiskey and coke. keep in mind, for most people a good mixed drink is about half whiskey and about half coke... if these were the proportions that this bar followed as well, which im pretty sure they did, this means that approximately 2.5 - 3 handles of whiskey went into this one huge fuckin goblet of booze. we had roughly 8 or 9 people on this one drink and i think its safe to say we all ingested enough alcohol to last us most of the night

bar #2: the dow jones. whats the dow jones? a company responsible for a stock market index in which the prices of stocks listed on the exchange constantly change. whats the dow jones bar? a bar responsible for getting you as sauced up as possible by offering every drink of theirs at constantly changing prices. what a fuckin idea! updates brought to you by scrolling digital screens reporting current prices of all beers, shots, and mixed drinks. i felt like i was at an AA meeting on wall street. jagerbombs drop to a measly 2 euros each and shit gets wild cause no1 has seen one that cheap since '93. people scream to the bartender 'buy buy!' to lock in this great deal before the prices change again and this steal of a deal to a. take a great shot b. get a little bit of energy and c. call every girl in the bar a 'fuckin skank', passes forever
if either of these two bars showed up in boston or any other college town, it would be packed out several nights a week and would definetly stack mad paper nigga
so even though we all had had our fill of alcohol we decided to head to this club up in the mountains that overlooked all of barcelona to get our grind on... looking out over the city at this view all any of us could say was "... to medellin". barcelona aint so bad afterall

girls are dumb example 6, 7 and 8

im sorry for such a quick installment of girls are dumb again, but i gotta write about it before i forget. example 6: leaving class today, one of my peers pointed out a sick drawing of jesus that a student did on the desk. we were admiring how amazing it was and how real it looked, and then a girl walks up to us and said "whoa thats amazing, who drew it? it cant be real, its too good. someone definately traced it." if someone draws something on a flat surface, it cant be traced. you can trace something onto a piece of paper, not a table. example 7: this conversation occurred outdoors in a park. "can we smoke out here [a cigarette]". no comments needed. thats just dumb. example 8: we were talking about text messages, "what does text stand for?" ouch. this is a bad one. after i called her out on this she still continued to ask me what it stood for.

girls are dumb example 5

there are so many reasons why girls are dumb, but here is example 5. as an intro i would like to say that there are many examples that occur in my everyday life as well as yours, but some are honest mistakes that both males and females make. but this one is just dumb. statistics show that about 70 % of college students drink,and that the other 30 is lying. and 99.93% of the drinkers know what "Beefeater" gin is. Most have never had it, nevertheless, know about it and more importantly how to pronounce it. Here is where girls become dumb. Example 5: walking in the streets of Barcelona, a girl notices that there are a lot of ads for Beefeater. So she turns to me, DBE, and says "hey dan, what's 'bafedder'" Thats how she pronounces it. ba- fed-er instead of beef-eater. Its not even spelled differently than it is pronounced. 2 simple english words contracted to make one longer word. not hard. needless to say, i couldn't respond, i let the other 6 people we were with attack her and call her out on this childish stupidity. ya were in spain but shit... beefeater? c'mon now. anyways this concludes another episode of why girls are dumb. adieu.

the dopist dope ive ever smoked

teddy ballgame, a kid in our residencia from mass, has balls bigger than johnny chase when he decided to do a few eps of pacific blue... the wrong guy can look real dumb holdin a gun. anyways, this kid went to amsterdam for a nice little weekend and figured itd be a good idea to bring back a bag or two of pineapple express-esque greenery. boy was he right. this stuff is more of a one hit wonder than Chumbawamba. that shit thurgood and his boys smoked in Half Baked that made them float out the window probably came from the same batch as this shit. nothin more to say really, im gonna go enjoy it

beach

so we went to the beach on thurs and friday, it was refreshing. however there was no nightlife in the town so it was gay ass. i got burnt on my back, sly got fried on his front. below is a picture of my back, and if you'll notice there is a seagull looking outline in white...i dont know what that is but im pretty sure its not a gull. one

ouch

so on my way home from school today, i saw a dead guy laying in the street. at least i think he was dead he wasnt moving and they put a big blanket over him. surprise surprise the guilty party was a chick in a huge SUV.

keep your mouth closed

sexy right? at first the seemingly gorgeous woman with tiggles and a most likely bomb ass seems flawless (random hot chick btw i got it off the web). hmm interesting this reminds me of an event that happened the other day on the bus. so i see this hot chick and i kept making eye contact with her, so i flash a quick smile. aside: don't judge a girl until you see the teeth. she smiled back at me. ew. ew ew. she looked like a fuckin horse and i am not exaggerating. she had the worst fuckin teeth ive seen yet. like she was hot on the outside like a 9, but shit clean up your fuckin teeth bitch you look like a horse. she had at least a 1 inch overbite, her teeth slnated outwards, gaps everywhere, crooked, orangey yellow, bad tooth to gum ratio, the whole 9. an orthodontists dream really. but that is a problem i have noticed here, lots and lots of bad teeth. however some chicks ive seen in their mid 20's have braces, so i guess theyre tryin. what a bonerkill. btw there are pics of lindsay lohan naked all over the internet. awesome.

boner kebab

this is what i like to call a boner kebab. i call it this for 3 reasons. 1: the name of the place you get these delights is called 'doner kebab' . they are in all major cities in spain. i think. they should be in all major cities everywhere. 2: they are boner inducing because of taste. 3: you can get this delectable treat for a measly 4 euros. a huge sangy dripping with meat, lettuce, tomato, assorted veggies, different colored sauces that i cant pronounce but are delicious, a butt load of fries and a can of the most refreshing coca cola classic. so fuckin good. i crave these at night instead of dominoes. i would walk 500 miles for this. bitchin. and there are infinity jokes you can make too and it is acceptable no matter how gay you sound. for example. "yo ernesto, im so hungry for a boner with white sauce oozing from it" or "ohhh myy gooodddd i neeed a boner in my mouth right noww" or "I am craving a boner right now" i could go on all day but you get the idea. oh one more thing, i dont know what meat they put in it, could be anything really. no matter ill eat it. tootaloo

august 08 is gonna be a good month

this girl gives me a boner

http://www.barstoolsports.com/article/wake_with_marzia_prince/2060/

truth

so the girl from jersey sly bumped uglies with banged another one of our roommates last night after the club. they met for the first time last night btw. slut. that brings the count to 4 different guys in our apt that she has hooked up with, none have which talked to her since. fuckin jersey girls...

girls are dumb. example 4

Fact: a mans brain is larger than a womans.

Example 4: around the lunch table i spit out a movie quote from a very recent movie, which was quite relevant to the conversation – “ya know what movie I watched the other night that kicked fuckin ass? Munich. If any of us get laid tonight it’s because of Eric Bana in Munich.” Now im sure you can all guess this quote because your all dudes and superior to “those things with long hair” ©TRMD. Anyways, girl sitting across from myself wants desperately to know what movie its from and I refuse to tell her so she resorts to guessing and seems veryy confident in her answer of Dazed and Confused. Dazed and Confused…? Fuckin moron. Eric Bana would have been 8 fuckin years old when Randall “Pink” Floyd and the rest of the class of ’76 had the summer of their lives in that movie. Bitches just don’t think before they open their mouths, which concludes example 4. but I’m sure there will be many more to come because the stupidity never ends

chupiteria

so there is this place called a 'chupiteria' translated into english is a 'shot bar'. so we walk into this place located in granada and its packed with locals. it must be good. heres the deal. all shots 1 euro. they have over 100 different types of shots they have listed on a big board behind the bar. they also split the shots into 3 groups: strong, medium. and weak. i was very satisfied with this place. well done spain. also, with every shot you bought you earned a ticket. they had prizes like tshirts and hats for a certain amount of tickets. kinda like a chuck e cheese for big kids. anyways i got a hat, 15 tickets. we need more places like this in the home country, so any entrepreneurs reading this...combine a shot bar and chuck e cheese and you get the 'chupiteria'.

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on feb 2 2008, we went to the beach. it was nice.

3 rings look better on 1 hand anyways

boooo

yes booo to the pats...way to fuck it up. i would first before i rant like to congratulate the new york giants on their win, way to go. im not gonna say it was lucky or a miracle, the giants are a shitty team and they played shitty, but unfortunately, the pats played even shittily. the giants are not good, eli is mediocre, their running game is decent, and their defense is good, but easily beaten. first i would like to call out the offensive coordinator of the pats...awful play calling, too many examples of terrible calls in the first 3 quarters. however, unfortunately i noticed 15 mins before the o coordinator did, i said quick slants bc the pocket closes quickly bc the giants dline is quick. weird, lets throw like 9 passes, most quick slants to my friend wesley, result: TD. it took way too long for the pats to adjust, the giants did some hw, touche. lets also not forget the 3 ridiculous miracles the giants had on the last drive. mariweather missed an easy pick to end the game and so did asante, and also the blind bomb that eli threw to tyree in 5tuple coverage... what the fuck seriously. so in a bar with mostly pats haters, we come out victoryless...not a word but i think appropriate. tonite tom brady and the pats played their worst game of the season to an ok team who was on a roll and lost. this game was stupid until the 4th quarter when i actually felt like i was watching a game. the first 3 quarters i found myself focusing on pacing myself for another pint and a piss before the next quarter started. in conclusion, soak it up giants fans, your semi-ok team beat the greatest team ever assembled in the history of football, bc of poor effort and lack of awareness. is this bills fault? could bill have possibly made poor choices? or was it our seemingly perfect quarterback, terrible game, terrible terrible yet still almost the same passer rating. when the pats play at the level of their opponent, they are vulnerable, which leads to this question: maybe the giants arent shitty, maybe the pats WERE just so fucking good that when they play a normal game, they can be beaten, even by a team like the giants. eli still sucks i dont care if they won, but hey, i bet the rams said the same thing about brady.

im pissed off. im not going to class tomorrow.

girls are dumb. examples 1-3

girls are dumb. its science. example 1: girl wonders since we're in Spain if the sun still rises in the east and sets in the west. retard. example 2: were visiting some ruins and a girl picks up a rock and says "do you think this rock is 2000 years old". retard. example 3: girls books trip for carnaval in cadiz...probably gonna be the coolest night...but as we all know girls are dumb. she booked a hotel like 30 mins away from cadiz, she thought it was in the city, but the description said it was an easy train ride to cadiz. retard. thus concludes example 1-3 of why girls are dumb.

one

first weekend after classes

nice little weekend here in espana. went to a few bars and a few clubs right across the river from our residencia. one of the kids we live with Duncan got so plastered before we even got there that he was busting out 360s off every bench, chair, curb, whatever kid thought it was the Xgames or sumthin. the bars were pretty choice, and we went to this one plaza where people buy 40's and bottles of wine in this ice cream store, yes i wish cravings and DQ sold beer too, and then just walk outside and get 3 sheets to the wind. its fuckin money. people pull their cars up and blast some tunes and in 1 month when beach season starts i guarantee the place will have more bumper than a body shop. we met this jersey girl there whos in our program... i almost said DTF jersey girl, but i caught myself that would have been repetitive. anyways i bet you can guess where she ended up 3 hours later.

we came across some tickets to a Sevilla FC game for only 35 euros so we scooped those up. they were playin another Spanish League team Osasuna so it was a sick game, but they play Barcelona a couple times while were here so we're definetly going to one of those games too... heres a pic of the stadium and you can see empty seats, but im sure it will be 100% sold out for a Barca game



Sevilla won off a PK in the 89th minute at the foot of my boy Luis Fabiano... tight

widemouth

seriously...mountain dew introduced the wide mouth can about what like 15 fuckin years ago? what a great invention, so simple, so useful, user friendly, i cant think of any reason why a widemouth can is bad. kudos mountain dew, kudos. welcome to spain, where everything is stylish, affordable, and friendly. so why the fuck are all the cans of beer and soda not widemouth? it takes twice the time to drink the fuckin thing and the can is literally like a quarter of an inch shorter than standard american cans. what the fuck. seriously spain get with the fuckin program. usa all the way. oh and the coke tastes like shit.

fuck

so we decide to buy some bikes for ease of transportation around the city, and to and fro the bus stop. well that seems like a great idea, lets go shopping. we found bikes for 110 euro, and we plan on selling them at the end of the semester. we bought the bikes 3 nights ago. on the way back from the bike shop, our roommate cody breaks the pedal. i broke my pedal yesterday on my way to school. but today i get off the bus, and cody and my bike have been stolen. the wire was cut with bolt cutters. why the fucking hell would anyone steal a shitty ass bike. this is the bottom of the line basic bike. hence the company name "basic". however, i dont wanna panic yet bc the police might have impounded them because we chained them to an arbitrary pole and we dont know if that is legal or not. ill check back in on the status of my bike in a few weeks. hopefully it will turn up. fuck.

discotechs

so spain is a little different than the US. best difference has to be the daily scheduled siestas... worst difference just might be how people get their grind on. for example, as wholesome of a place as toads is, the only thing preventing mass penetration is jeans. left and right you can see bitches grindin up on everyone/thing, people are poppin chubs, coppin feels, and everyone is just tryin to figure out whose gonna move well when the dance turns horizontal. but in spain people like actually dance with space inbetween each other... its really weird and gay.
so last night it was one of our roomates 21st so obvioulsy we had to see if he could handle 21 shots, which im not sure if he ever made it to. anyways we went to the closest most american like club by us and dammit was it refeshing seeing so much bump and grind i felt like i was at a fuckin r. kelly concert.
4 of us got bikes... dan and another kid already broke their pedals... still lookin for some pegs and donuts and baseball cards for the spokes to really pimp them out
got a sick little bubbler for only 15 euros. we havent named it yet but currently i think i may be leaning towards the golden banana in honor of the reopening
i want to write more, but id rather continue to watch this video on repeat

siestas

so heres the deal, in spain all the stores close at 2 and re-open at 5 so people can nap or do whatever the hearts desire. and this is great because napping is the business and its cool if you nap for 3 hours in the middle of the day...but its not fucking cool when youre walking around the city looking for a shop to buy a bike for 2 and a half hours, only to get there at 2 when it is just closing...and then we had to walk 25 mins back to eat lunch at 230. but i did reap the benefits of nap time, after lunch i passed out only to be awaken by the mamas husband getting us up for dinner. so i ate slept ate, waste of a day. however, upon walking around the city, i noticed the abundance of certified dime pieces. i was wearing my sunglasses so they couldnt see me eye fucking them, but i took enough mental pictures. unfortunately i cant put them on my computer so you pervs can add them to your respective spank banks, but hopefully someday i can catch a few in the background of my pics so you bonerjams can check them out. i gotta stop drinking the tap water, its making me dizzy. alrite thats all for today from me , spanish chicks are so much hotter than american women.

-dbe

bicicletas

so we all went out last night and boozed our faces off so after a few hours of sleep we figured whats the best thing to do to get rid of a hangover? yup, take a bike tour through sevilla. we tried to convince the API directors that mopeds were a better idea, but instead we got gay tiny bikes but we were still able to ghost ride the whips



did see some pretty sweet shit though... especially a picture of our block from the other side of the river



slept the rest of the day and then went out with everyone in our building at night. went to a bar probly the size of hulas or the first floor of the greatest bar and met up with our host mothers 18 year old daughter (a little chunky) and her 2 friends (spanish calendar worthy dime pieces). got a couple girls drunk enough to do the tootsie roll infront of most of us, so thats when we knew it was spliff time. yada yada yada a few people passed out in places they probly shouldnt have, but it wasnt as bad as the other night when this hilarious kid from cali passed out in a gutter.
pats game at 9pm. fuck LT and his neard

safe

room

so our room is pretty cool, we got 4 bedrooms and 8 guys...kitchen and a bathroom, and 2 common rooms. and there is porn on all day on basic cable...like hardcore shit. real hardcore. we saw DP last night. it was awkward but a good bonding moment, nothing like double penetration to bring a group together. ok thats all.

few pics

in the beginning...

sup

so this is the beginning of our adventure. we got to madrid on monday morning and didnt sleep for about 25 hours straight. i threw up a few times. no sleep isnt fun but the schedule here is so much different then at home. you sleep like 4 hours at night and then take a 3 hour siesta in the afternoon. the entire city takes a siesta fuckin lazy asses every store is closed from 2-5 so no eating or drinking. anyways madrid was awesome and sevilla is awesome. it feels like florida here and there are orange trees everywhere, which are fun to pick and throw at people and buildings. the next week is supposed to average around 65 and sunny so in your face. nothing really exciting has happened so far we've just been sightseeing and shit like that. tomo we're riding gay bikes around the city. so gay. oh ya there are palm trees here too so thats cool. this place kinda feels like disney world except its real and trying to speak spanish with the locals is pretty fucking hilarious. what else...nothing just look at the pics and shit and once something really cool happens we'll let you know.